I have always been big. From the time I entered elementary school I was so pleasantly plump that double chin had a double chin. I use to be very insecure about my weight and the way I look, especially during my elementary school days, which was the time that I was bullied. However, that all changed when I got to middle school. Even though my weight stayed the same, I was a lot stronger. I decided no one was going to pick on me for my looks and my weight anymore and soon enough I started to believe that I was beautiful. During those three years of middle school I learned one of the most important lessons of my life. I learned that this was the way I looked and I needed to love and embrace my face and body or I could hate the way I look and be depressed over my looks all the time; so I chose to love my body because I would spend to much wasted energy on hating my body. Of course, like every normal person I have days like everybody else where I do not like the what I see when I look at my mirror, but majority of the time I am confident in the way I look.
Throughout high school my confidence grew, most likely into narcissism, but none of the less grew. However I had two very big moments that changed me and the way I think our society looks upon being overweight. Today’s society is overly obsessed with being perfectly slim and trim. Admitted it does make sense that body image has become such a big part of the normal American conscious, due to what we see coming out of Hollywood and especially the fashion industry. However, I feel people focus too much on catering to people who are more in shape than those who have a little more on them. I started to believe this whenever I go shopping for jeans.
Whenever I go shopping for jeans, I automatically feel horrible. No matter where I go, I can never find jeans that fit me or jeans that I like. I really do like to look my best and keep up with the latest styles, because I do care about I look and especially being a big person I feel more pressure by society to look good because I have to keep up with all these buff or scrawny guys who can fit into more clothes. In the past few years the biggest trends when it comes to pants and jeans has been multicolored and/or skinny jeans. Now I am not an idiot, I know when a person’s waistline is somewhere in between thirty eight and none of your damn business, I know you are not going to fit into a pair skinny jeans, so I have moved on from that dream, however, I always wanted to wear colored jeans. I just think they are so fun and cool and it would be nice to wear jeans that were not just your standard colors that give me absolutely no shape. However, no matter where I looked, I could never find any that came in my size. I started to wonder why designers and clothing manufacturers do not make clothes, particularly pants and jeans that are in with the current style, that fit every size. Then it hit me; clothing designers and clothing manufacturers must think that if they make their clothes run in smaller sizes, it might make people of other sizes want to lose weight, so then they could not only be like every other skinny person out there, but then they could finally fit into the clothes that they always wanted to fit into. As a person who can not fit into those sizes I can say that if that is true, then it is not working and it never will. Whenever I go into a store with the hopes of finding multi colored jeans or any jeans as a matter of fact, and whenever I can not find jeans in my size, it just makes me sad and depressed, and like a lot of people when they are depressed, I eat my feelings.
